New Year Post Part 1: Head Full of Doubt

Obligatory End of Year Post.

I'm doing this in two parts. Mostly this is because if I did it as one post, I would absolutely want to title it "Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promise," but I've already entitled another post that. So I will do "Head Full of Doubt" today and "Road Full of Promise" tomorrow." Today's post will be of doubts, of hardships, over overcomings, or triumphs. Tomorrow's will be of hope, of future.

The first part of the year seems so far away, like it wasn't even a part of this year.

That was the second semester of my sophomore year, the second semester in my major. The last semester I took more than 12 credits. (Probably.) It was also the second semester I really acutely felt the brokenness of my family. That made for a lot of tears. I learned how to better deal with this. I had to grow. It was the first time I had a boyfriend. A new and growing experience, for sure. I often hesitate to publish anything about that situation, but it happened, and there is no reason to hide it. He was a good friend, but we weren't meant to stay together. So I had my first breakup this summer. Two people I remain deeply grateful to for their friendship in this time: Meagan Weldele (who's home I was living in this summer), my dear cousin, friend, sister in Christ, and Alex Nyquist, another dear friend, former GIFT partner, and soon to be co-leader of LSF Women's Ministry. Alex, as so often the previous semester, and still, was a voice of reason. She grounds me, and reassures me. Other people, Gerard, my cousin; Julie, my roommate; and Tricia, my friend, were among the many other encouraging people. I learned a lot about relying on God and being strong this summer. And I learned a lot about family, too.

I took Hebrew, one of the best decisions of my academic career. Can I just brag a little here? I got an A!!! I'm so proud of myself, and happy of myself. :)  I'm so so grateful to my professor, Dr. Appold, my tutor, Ryan Harker, and my friend, Heidi Geisbuhler, for all their help and encouragement in any and every way they did. I don't really challenge myself or force myself to work hard too often, so sticking with Hebrew is a really a big deal.

I decided to go to grad school. This summer it was for a Masters in Counseling. Now it's for a Masters of Divinity. GRE? Terrified. Looking up schools and figuring out where to apply? Lost. Confidence of getting in where I'd like? Shaky at best. Head full of doubt, for sure. But I want to keep learning. I want to figure out what I am to do.

I'm learning to love, mostly how loving is HARD, so so hard. I'm also learning about the importance of putting oneself in the environment that is best suited for growth and bringing one close to Christ and who you are to be in him. If you are in an environment that does not encourage you to him and tears you away from him, it perhaps is not where you should be. These are things not learned without tears. Along with this, I'm learning about the possible need for accountability in these situations: someone to hold you to loving, to growing, to intentional living.

Much has happened this year. I've been trying to figure out what I want in many different ways, trying to figure out who I am, what I believe. As this not only causes change, but has potential for conflict, it can be distressing. And somewhat exhausting to think about too much. So sometimes I don't try.

This year has brought a lot of hardship, but blessing even more. My cup indeed overflows. Though often I have rejected this when told by others--I am strong. Cheesy, but true. (I almost hate putting this in here because it's so cliche. My middle name means "Famous Warrior." My first name means "Wisdom." Anyway, my God is forever strong.

Sometimes I'm overwhelmed by all I want to do. Other times I'm underwhelmed at my drive and goals. (As there can be a lack of.) I think I need a focus. I got quite inspired to find that last night. "Decide what to be and go be it." Oh, okay. I just have to decide. uh, huh.

Here I Raise My Ebenezer

Fall 2011:

Boom. Done.

I was definitely all worried about this semester. But I made it through. It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. So accomplishable. Makin'. It. A word. I think I'm going to pull off A's in 3 out of my 4 classes. I was definitely hoping for a 4.0, but it's fine. I possibly could have gotten an A in Ancient Phil (though it's doubtful), but it would have required a LOT of work. Friends and relaxing>stressing myself out trying to understand Plato and Aristotle.

So this semester has brought me many MANY new friends. One I made 3 days before she graduated. Oh, timing. But we are supposed to be friends. Many have become some of my dearest friends, though I've known them for such a short time. I am deeply grateful for the love and encouragement they bestow upon me, and their willingness to open their hearts and homes to me. That's to ALL my friends. I keep talking about love, and that's what they are showing me. It's so amazing. I have such a blessed community here.

Hebrew's been so great. I get a bit lazy sometimes, but it's something I truly want to try hard in. Which is a big and exciting thing for me. Reading the Old Testament in light of my smattering of Hebrew knowledge is soooo exciting. It's opening a whole new world (how I studied for the final) of understanding to me.


A Nicaraguan Prayer:
"O God, bless this food we are about to receive. Give bread to those who hunger, and give hunger for justice to us who have bread."
This sums up a good amount of what I've learned this semester. Let this be my prayer. Let this be my life.

Grateful. Yeah, I'm really grateful for this semester. Emmanuel.

Also: Thoughts of Jesus' birth, as I heard in a song this morning at church: "Where else would a lamb be born?" Ah. Ah. Ah. I have never thought of it in such a way. That's another thing of this semester: being exposed to thinking of things in ways I haven't before. Well, that's just been Truman overall, but I'm really feeling it this semester. I just think of Luke 2:19: "But Mary treasured all these words and pondered them in her heart." Yup. I ponder things in my heart. And my head. 

Hither by thy help I'm come.

Living of Love

I've probably talked about love on this blog more than anything. (With possible exceptions of Hebrew and my 5k training.) There's a reason. And it is this:

"Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. For the commandments, 'You shall not commit adultery, You shall not murder, You shall not steal, You shall not covet.' and any other commandment, are summed up in this word: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law." -Romans 13:8-10

I don't know if I can properly articulate how important it is to love. I'll try. Colossians will help: "Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry...But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do no lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator... Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony." (vs. 5,9-10,12-15)

Love is incompatible with these things that we must put off. Incompatible. The love that Jesus has placed in my heart cannot reside in the same place with slander and obscene talk, anger and lies--for those are not love. We are called to great love. We are commanded to love. That is what we are to do, what we are to be. 

Love is active, love is a way of life. Love is in our thoughts, words, and deeds. Love is thorough. Love is unconditional. I've been amazed at the love of others often. They just tell me they love me and treat me so kindly and fully care about me--and I just think how they barely know me-how can they love me? Yet they understand and live love. It is not about if they know someone. Their love for me is not based on them knowing me. (For then what, it is based on my traits and actions? Oh, for sometimes they are good, but sometimes, oh, all too often, they are bad.) It is just pure and unconditional. Real love's pretty amazing like that. 

Obviously, this is something I've been thinking on and learning a lot this semester. And it really really has changed me. It's honestly helping me, understanding love and its importance. It is not easy, because true love is selfless. And this is about what--who we are to be. Who we are to serve. Who we are to love. (E'rybody.) 

"If the days aren't easy and the nights are rough, When they ask you what you're thinking of, Say love, Say for me love." 

(Love me some Avett.)

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have  prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing." -1 Corinthians 13:1-2

--

Be gone, pride: Be full, heart.

Lately There's Been Love

I should be studying Hebrew, but I want to get something posted. I've had lots of ideas lately, just not as much time.

So what have I been doing instead of blogging?

• 5k training woooop! (should the "k" be capitalized?)
• Reading the first few pages of Augustine's Confessions. !!!!!! Hopefully I can write more about him later.
• Hebrew! I have big quizzes tomorrow to take. I should be studying. Why am I not? 1. I'm lazy 2. I'm feeling fairly confident. Whaaaattt??? I'll study after I write this and tomorrow before I test, no worries.
• Other homeworks, struggle bus-ing in Ancient, group project-ing in Globalization, and um... some Judaism (currently figuring out my final paper topic)
• MAKING NEW FRIENDS! It has been wonderful. In the past week, I've told 3 people I've wanted to be their friends. I'm so bold, it kinda scares me. Seriously.
• Eating way too much candy and other sugars. Oops.
• Being overwhelmed by the love of Christ in others. Another thing I will hopefully write more about later.

So, newest friend story! There's this girl who does the announcements on Wednesday night CCF services and I decided I was going to introduce myself sometime. (Boldness, you know.) Tonight, before service, we were both in the bathroom, and I was seriously going to introduce myself as soon as I washed my hands, and then she did it as I was washing my hands! Because we were both wearing sweatshirts and scarves, a typical outfit for both of us. :) Then in announcements she gave me a shout-out! After service, we met up, exchanged numbers and talked about warm drinks and I said I had wanted to be her friend. I can't even contain that stuff anymore apparently. Anyway, Sarah Perry and I are going to be friends. 

I read passages out loud from the Bible today! I actually really reallllyyy enjoyed it! I absolutely recommend it. Do it. It made me just love passages... Which is great, but as I was trying to find something for my talk at next week's Te Deum, it was also slightly frustrating--I can't talk about everything! Liking lots of the Bible is a good thing, though. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qR3rK0kZFkg This is a gem.

http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/2011/11/hearing-your-name-for-the-first-time/ This also is really good.

Isaiah is goooood. Chapter 43 is good. As is 44. I read 43 and the first part of 44 earlier. Here is 44:1-5:

"But now hear, O Jacob my servant, Israel whom I have chosen! Thus says the Lord who made you, who formed you from the womb and will help you: Fear not, O Jacob my servant, Jeshurun whom I have chosen. For I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground; I will pour my Spirit upon our offspring, and my blessing on your descendants. They shall spring up among the grass like willows by flowing streams. This one will say, 'I am the Lord's,' another will call on the name of Jacob, and another will write on his hand, 'The Lord's,' and name himself by the name of Israel."

I like that a lot.

Love.

Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promise

I feel bad when I take so long to post again! Oops! I meant to like last Tuesday... and then I guess last week got crazy? Then this week ended up being crazier than I thought.Oh, well. So... things that have been happening:

I talked to the dean (my bff, Lou Ann) about counseling as a profession. It made me more excited to possibly do this. However, I'm still at the whole unable to give up theology and philosophy studies and just wanting to that more in-depth. The study of counseling is nowhere near my passion. Helping people is, however. And this is my first solid idea of how to do that.

Got lost in Kierkegaard a bit the other day. My favorite two (ish) pages of Kierkegaard is his section Gilleleie, August 1, 1835 in his Journals. (Granted I have not read much Kierkegaard. But it's my favorite of what I have.) I've underlined about a quarter of it.

...What I really lack is to be clear in my mind what I am to do, not what I am to know, except in so far as a certain understanding must precede every action. The thing is to understand myself, to see what God really wishes me to do; the thing is to find the truth which is true for me, to find the idea for which I can live and die.

Lookit! (Dr. Appold reference) I was just going to pick my favorite part, and there is goes being applicable to my previous paragraph!

I CARVED MY VERY FIRST PUMPKIN EVER TODAY.

My pumpkin baby. :)

 I also keep typing "pumpking" instead of pumpkin.

Hebrew's been slaying me. Actually, just one day. I broke down in the SUB. Classy. But I'm going to take it again next semester. Inflicting non-required stress upon myself. typicaltrumanstudent Speaking of, I asked my Hebrew tutor and his wife (PHRE graduates) to help me pick out my classes for next semester since my advisor doesn't really advise me. Loooooved it.

I helped with CCF Men's Progressive Dinner tonight. So much fun. It honestly was a delight to watch the boys get super excited about food and playing video games.

I love fall. Like, a lot. It makes me happy. I've cried a decent amount this semester. And I've been laughing a lot more. And a lot more easily. I'm terrified of spiders. My friends are beautiful souls.


*The song title that is my post title sums up this post amazingly in my mind. You may not see it, but that's how I feel about the conglomeration of things written here. Except maybe the spider part. That was just a fact about me.

We're Halfway There

midtermbreakmidtermbreakmidtermbreak


Gahhhhh.


I seriously don't know if I've ever wanted a break this badly before. This semester is trying to beat me down. BUT TOMORROW I AM GOING TO KANSAS CITY. I have nothing left to doooooooo! I just have to go to class and pack! I hate packing! But whatever! So I'm not doing anything tonight. After lunch tomorrow I'll probably throw some stuff in my car, get gas and gooooo. I'm so so so excited to see my family there. 


I'm wearing a big yellow bow in my hair. Pulling. It. Off.


Still listening to Foster the People a lot. Also, I came up with a name for my friend's band: The Ambivalence Conundrum. I think they should use it. (For the record, my first pick was Unicorn Ambivalence.)


So, I'm trying to figure out my classes for next semester. I really want to make it so that I don't have class on Friday. Because it's a very real possibility. However, it's looking like that might mean 4 class (ALL my classes) on Tuesday and Thursday. BUT two of the classes I want to take are at the same time. Classes I want to take: Sociology of Family, Christianity, Faith and Reason in Christian Thought, and Hebrew. I think. But Sociology of Family and Christianity are at the same time. :/ These are pretty much the only classes I want to take, too. I'm going to keep pouring over the course list, trying to figure things out.


Exciting: Since I am at this point planning on getting my masters in counseling and the dean of student affairs (also in charge of my scholarship program) has a degree in counseling and used to be head of University Counseling Services, I emailed the dean and asked if I could meet with her and get advice. Yay!


Midterm break should be hecka Hebrew time. That's what should happen. I really want to beast that class. I need to work on my motivation.


So. Even though the plan is currently a masters in counseling, at dinner, a friend who's planning to go to seminary was talking. And I was talking yesterday to a friend about philosophical theology. And I can't imagine staying away from these things. So, I will probably either have to go to sem to get my masters and take some awesome classes while taking counseling ones. OR... I'll have to get another degree in addition to (or instead of?) counseling. decisiones.


Everything is pointing me to this (I cannot ignore): "A new commandment I give to you,that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.  By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." ~John 13:34-35

"Help, Save, Comfort, and Defend."

I'm not sure what on earth is more beautiful than an early morning fall drive from Kirksville to Memphis. I wish I had a picture to illustrate it, but I just soaked it up. Seriously, just take part of the drive yourself. Worth it. It's one of my favorite drives scenery-wise at any time, not just fall mornings. Gorgeous.

I love liturgy. I love order and constancy and truth.

"Help, save, comfort, and defend us, Gracious Lord" is my favorite line in the Lutheran liturgy. It makes my heart happy to hear it Sunday mornings. Also it makes me feel safe.

These things are among the best things of Sundays.

I am in love with Foster the People's album Torches. I don't know if I've listened to an album as extensively and intensely and lovingly(?) since I started listening to The Avett Brothers last fall. So. Good. Awesomeness. <---link to my favorite song on the album, "Houdini," with lyrics. Because they're great. It's great.

Notice the new bloggity design. Thoughts?

Hebrew makes me experience quite a range of emotions. It mostly makes me hard on myself and negative. Then I figure something out and I'm awesome. Then I'm positive. Then I'm like "YEAH, you can do this." Despair. "Keep going! YOU. CAN. DO. THIS." I admit to being somewhat lazy. I don't want to work as hard as I have to in Hebrew. I need to be eatingsleepingbreathingHebrew. I'm not. Then I'm frustrated by my ineptitude. And I want a 4.0. And I wanna please Dr. Appold. And be awesome. Also, one of my Junior year goals is to be a beast at Hebrew. So I need some sort of accountability or better system or something. Because clearly I kinda suck at self-motivation.

For the record, I already accomplished one of my Junior year goals: Ring the church bell at St. Paul's. Happy day.

I laughed a lot with my roommate today. It was beautiful, and I think I might have laughed so hard I almost cried once. I really needed that today. So grateful.

I've been thinking on love. I want to be loved. And I want to love. And these do not have to be in a strictly romantic capacity. There are SO many people in this world and SO much caring to be done. 1 Corinthians 13 does not mean "But this is only for your husband/bf/fiance..." It is love that we are to do (as Christ first loved us) to humanity. Cultivate love in lives.

I Thought Yesterday was Tuesday...

Don't worry, I still went to all my Monday classes and meetings and such. I just felt like the week had been longer already. Sad.

I have to do a presentation Friday morning in my Ancient Philosophy class on Pythagoras (or P-thugz, as I affectionately call him.) So I went to Pickler today and got some books. The books are pretty. And fall colors.

Artistic picture of books.

What I've learned about Pythagoras so far: It's very likely he didn't really have anything to do with the Pythagorean Theorem, and he pretty much had a cult following. Also a golden thigh, or so the rumors say. This will be interesting.

Also, today in the Dear Abby section of the Post-Dispatch:

Dear Abby. I am deeply in love with two wonderful women. I know I have to let one go, but I don't want to break either one's heart. Instead of "dumping" one of them, can I explain the situation to them and ask that one of them dump ME?

I don't understand this. It makes me sad, confused, and kinda angry. Also disturbed.

 "Up and Up" by Relient K is kinda my favorite song right now/I'm trying to make it my theme song sorta. It's good stuff. Despite that, I am actually listening to Bon Iver right now. Also good stuff.

I just remembered I need to write a thank-you note before I go to Hebrew. Which means I'm going to put off vocab studying a little bit longer. But I shouldn't put it off long.

Really, I just wanna curl up on a couch with friends and watch TV and talk, sipping hot drinks. Perhaps after an afternoon of leaf-jumping and fall picture-taking. That sounds lovely, doesn't it? Well, Hebrew calls.


"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." -Romans 12:12

Juxtapositions

Oh, it's been forever since I've posted. As much as I feel like I've somewhat gotten into the routine of this school year, there's still other things (such as blogging, keeping in touch with non-Truman people, exercising) that are not in the routine as they should be. Sigh.

My birthday was Tuesday. And it was the best birthday I've had. I wore a pretty dress (Tricia's), had a beautiful birthday crown, cards, hugs, surprises, well-wishes, delicious food, and a festive apartment. :) And love. Lots of love. I'm not planning on taking the festive decorations down for quite some time. So long as my roommate is not bothered by them, they are staying up.

A glimpse at the festiveness of the apartment.

My roommate and I also "finished" our apartment. Meaning, we crafted a poster with Jeremiah 29:11-13 and also we put up glow in the dark stars in our bedroom. I've wanted glow in the dark stars my whole life and now finally have them! Dreams do come true. :)

Also! Here is my internet-official declaration: I am not going to complain about the weather this school year.

Yeah. It's already been a bit of a challenge. However, it has improved my mood and outlook. I'm excited for the challenge! I will hopefully be using this blog for accountability in that.

This semester presents a good many challenges, aside from not complaining about the weather. I find myself all too often much less motivated than I should be, and much less hard-working than I ought. However, this semester is the first time that I can think of when I've honestly had to resist ambitions, so as not to ridiculously overbook myself. Weird.

This week has been an incredible mixture of stressing and blessing. I'm feeling fairly content right now. And need to get to bed, so I cannot write more. Should not.

I'll leave you with a thought:

I hope to never outgrow the joy in small things and to look upon things in child-like wonder. Yet I hope to grow in grace and wisdom and knowledge of him and his ways.

My desire is not to "grow up," but it is to grow upward.

"And It Warms Your Skin, and Your Soul Within..."

Today has been a yellow day.

I don't know if there is some connotation to a "yellow day," such as a "red-letter day," but I create my own definition here.

A yellow day is a happy day, a sunshine-y day, a day where you might find me wearing yellow. And, in fact, I am wearing a yellow shirt and yellow shoes. I thought the yellow hair bow would have been overkill. It is also Skirt Monday, thought that is not yellow.

I woke up early. (Read: 8 ish) I showered and such, then made coffee, and my friend Katherine came over. And we prayed together. :) I had my first class at 10:30 (History of Philosophy I: Ancient). At 11:30, I had my scholarship class on the 4 Roles of Leadership (Stephen Covey, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People sort of stuff). The dean of student affairs teaches this class, and she's awesome. We got out early and I ran into my friend Liz, so we had lunch together. I ate rice and beans and spinach and carrots and hummus. And juice. :) I felt healthy (I say this as I eat Nutella and crackers now...). I headed back to my apartment and prepared more for Bible Study tonight. I left for my last class, Globalization, Social Justice, and Human Rights, which got out about 15 minutes early. I might drop this class and switch to another one. We'll see... :/

One of the songs of the day is "And the Birds Sing." (From which I gained my post title.) It makes me cheerful. Doo doo doo... :)

I just got back from dinner with my little and then my first Bible Study of the year. I'm co-leading a women's study with my friend Alex. I was bold and talked to someone I didn't know yet... Which I prayed for the strength to do this morning. :) I'm excited for how this study will go.

I'm back in my apartment and am fighting the urge to snack. I need to read Book 8 of Aristotle's Nicomachean Ethics. And maybe some Globalization stuff.

I just signed up for word of the day emails from dictionary.com. Today's word: flounce. "to go about with impatient, exaggerated movements."

Let us not flounce through our days, especially yellow days. Let us breathe them in and be thankful for them. Smile and enjoy the yellow days of life. :)

Last Week of Summer: Boring Post

I thought it would be funny to write a post while I was recovering from wisdom tooth surgery. Buuuttt... I don't think it's going to be as funny. I was a little fuzzy taking the nitrous oxide, but that wore off like right away. The nitrous freaked me out for a teeny bit, til I got suuuuper relaxed. It was like those times when you're soooo close to sleep, but not ACTUALLY asleep, but your body is crazy relaxed and everything is niiiice... It's quite a nice feeling.

I only got the left ones out, as one had to come out, and the other was ready, but the right ones aren't ready and probably won't be for a bit. Coolio. I'm on anti-inflammatory medicine, antibiotics, and the vicodin as needed.

^I wrote all this up top Monday after I got them pulled. It's Thursday evening and I haven't had any vicodin today and I'm not swelled up. Like, at all. I still can't eat too much real food yet, but I'm healing quite nicely.

I'm bored. I'm essentially all packed up, ready to go to Kirksville, and the fam is gone most of the time. But I need to go to church here on Sunday and do that with the fam and so I have two more days of... Pretty much nothing. But I think I'm going to buy shoes tomorrow. I need shoes to run in. If I can find some that fit/are comfortable.

I could do something productive such as get started on textbooks, or read other things... but it's the last few days of summer. I'm watching TV and facebooking. Also, I cleaned a bit.

So, that's my week. Impressive wisdom tooth surgery recovery, and packing, and some fam, and some boredom. Also a haircut! Weee-oohhh!

Stuffandthingz

The tabs I've had open for a few hours on my computs:

• Stuffchristianslike Serious Wednesday post. I need to read it more than the skimming I did.
• Myspace music (Disclaimer: music is the only thing I have ever used myspace for) Mumford and Sons
• Myspace music Tyrone Wells, a new listen starting today. 
• (The music player also has Phoenix on it... yeahhhh.)
• Calvary Theological Seminary: Expenses
• Trinity Theological Seminiary: Tuition and Finance
• Youtube: Boy Meets World (I'm currently at Season 4 episode 21. Oh, boy. They go by very quickly.)

Today's weather was great, also. Just wanted to note that. Hooorraaayyy. I sat outside and finished Through the Looking-Glass and started Peter Pan. While listening to Tyrone Wells. 

AND, as one can infer, I am planning on attending seminary after I graduate from Truman. Eeeeeeeeee. So I'm looking into programs and monies. My first look was, of course, Covenant in St. Louis. And, I looked into Wheaton. Oh, man, WHEATON. Ideally, as of right now, I'd be in the KC area though. I love it. Maybe because it's been a great summer. I have family here, I have a church here, I have friends and connections here, and I'm beginning to know the area. Thus, the leaning towards Calvary. So, that's some thoughts.

Oh, and seminary for what? My masters in counseling, or Biblical Counseling, or whatever the particular term per institution it is. HOW EXCITING. Seriously, though, it really is. :) Life plans, whoop whoop.

Also, you know what I love? Friends. And you know what is humbling? Just being there with people, listening to them, not talking about yourself, realizing people aren't always going to ask you all about your life. Pie.

I apologize for this conglomeratory post. I hope to write profound posts and they take much more time and refining to write, and it will be a while before they can be seen. So, here's some stuffandthingz.

So Sentimental, Not Sentimental, No

Last week I...

• said goodbye to some dear friends from Woodland Ridge church and closed out VBS there.
• hung out with my awesome Truman family (though sans the Erins).
• saw the new Winnie the Pooh movie.
• continued bonding and relationship building with my cousins.
• crafted and wrote some letters.
• saw my little sister in her first play. Also saw that she was nearly my size... Though her arms might be bigger. I have little arms. 
• went back to New Haven for the first time in nearly 10 weeks.
• tried more tea.
• met with my friend Jordan for the last time before she moves to IL for her job.
• went to Staples, got what I needed on sale and mildly geeked out over school supplies.
• cried.
• laughed.
• hugged.
• prayed.
• procrastinated.
• watched Boy Meets World.

I don't have some sort of moral or profound thought or life-revelation for this post. Just this, this glimpse of a week of my life. And this is life. Maybe that is profound. Maybe it was my lazy way of writing a post because I wanted to write something and couldn't make something else work and this did work and just came about. 

So here's some things that happened in one week of my life.

So We May Tell

11."You have turned for me 
my mourning into dancing;
you have loosed my sackcloth
and clothed me with gladness,
12. that my glory may sing your praise
and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give thanks 
to you forever!"
~Psalm 30:11-12

11. This is what God does.
12. This is what our response should be.

God has turned and is continually turning my mourning into dancing. He clothes me in gladness, bidding away my sadness. For why? that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. I want to--and ought to-- tell people all that he has done for me.

My hopes were crushed, my plans set to ruin, my heart hurt. And yet I dance. He drew me to himself and showed me his grace daily. He wrapped his arms around me and assured me of his love for me, his daughter.

O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!

I am Accepting Limits

Last week was busy. Maybe not the busiest compared to some, but for who I am and for what my summer typically looks like, it was pretty busy. And it's been ridiculously hot and humid and the AC in my car doesn't really work. So I've just been wiped.

So on Thursday night I just hit that feeling, that "I'm gonna cry, I need space, I need sleep..." kinda moment. Something along those lines needed to happen. When I'm tired, I get slightly more irrational... (oops) Your physical, emotional, spiritual, and social lives/health are very connected and are affected by each other. And being too tired led me to be more emotional, which led me to feel more exhausted.

Feeling like I was doing so much stuff and that my health might have slightly suffered made me think about how you have to know your limits. You need to know how much your body and spirit and mind can handle. Sometimes setting limits makes you feel like you're not fun, or not working hard enough, or like you're letting people down, because you say no to things. But you can't do EVERYTHING. And you need rest.

Sometimes I overdo it. So then I have to take some time off. Knowing my limits and listening to them is actually something I think I do fairly well. Which is good in dealing with my asthma, and perhaps one of the reasons my asthma isn't very bad. I listen to my body and know what I can and can't do. (Though sometimes I do push it, because I want to be stronger...)

Setting emotional and social limits is also healthy. We can get too involved somewhere, or not involved in the right way. We can over think things or let ourselves get wrapped up in heart drama when it's not necessary. Sometimes we know what's not good for us... And do it anyway.

If your car is working properly, the gas light will go off when you need to fill up soon. You have some time, but you're reaching the limit. So know how much farther your tank can go and fill up when you need to, friend. :)

God-Sightings

So my friend and roommate, Julie, and I went to the mall. When we were there, we went for frozen yogurt at Cherry on Top. It's one of those self-serve places-- "Endless Possibilities." LOVE it. Anyway, on the right sleeve of their workers' shirts it says "Eph 1:11." Julie asked a worker if their shirts said Ephesians 1:11. YES, she said! She didn't say it that enthusiastically, but we were pretty excited. AND, it's a verse about God's plans.

Julie said, "You and I would end up at a ice cream place with a verse about God's plans." Julie's favorite verse is Jeremiah 29:11, and I'm also encouraged by knowing God has plans for us. I've been learning a lot about God's plans this summer. Not what they are, mind you. Ha, no. But I'm learning that they are better than our plans. And not always the same as our plans. I'm learning they'll work out in his time. Anyway, that's another topic for another day... The point here is that it was a reinforcement. And besides that... Seeing God in a frozen yogurt shoppe... It was a God-sighting. Not physically. I didn't have some sort of movie-Morgan Freeman experience.

Rather, God-sightings are when you see him manifested in his creation, when you see him at work. We've been talking about them at VBS this summer. Here are two examples given by our lovely leader: 1. Metamorphosis.  Caterpillars start out one way and through a thorough process are transformed into beautiful butterflies. 2. Sharing. She told a story of a girl who left her bikes out during the day so that kids who didn't have bikes could ride them.

Often when something is said about seeing God in his creation, what is meant is nature. Remember--God created US. And that's a different kind of beauty, seeing God in his creatures who have souls (or are souls). In his creatures with souls, and words, and relationships. It does my heart and my walk good to see him in words and relationships. It warms me and encourages me.

I have a tendency (as I'm sure most people do) to feel a kinship with others with whom I share something in common. As C. S. Lewis said, "Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one." I felt a kinship with the owners of Cherry on Top, though I had never met them. And knowing that others are starting businesses and through them witnessing, just warms my heart and encourages my soul and walk. It's a God-sighting.

As we say to the kids at VBS... Watch for God. :)

Why I Should Write for Runner's World

At Truman, I'm in a scholarship program that requires me to do what is called a "private victory project" my junior year. This victory project has to encompass the first 3 habits of highly effective people: Be Proactive, Begin with the End in Mind, and Put First Things First. (Yes, I will continue using the Oxford comma.) Sample projects include learning to play the folk harp. And others, but that was the best one. Anyway, I think mine is going to be running a 5k, maybe with other healthy actions (like vegetables) as well, but the 5k will be the main tenant.

So a couple weeks ago, I went on a 3 mile walk. (I did again a few days ago--the road to running a 5k has started! Sorta!) It was around 10:30 am, so not really weird hours where people wouldn't be out. But I really wanted to exercise and I needed to get out, clear my mind, just move.  So I set off on a walk, not sure how long or how far I'd walk (google maps-ed it later to find out it was 3 miles...yeeaaahhhh.)

I didn't encounter many people at first, just an elderly man who asked how I was doing with a nice smile. I smiled back and answered something that probably wasn't completely true. A bit later, I'm turning onto another street and this guy's power-walking, moving in the same direction. Crap. Okay, I'm turning really soon, maybe he'll keep going straight. Dear God, please let him keep going straight. Ahhh, dude, PLEASE go straight, because I'ma turn. He turned with me. Gaaaaah. (For the record, since it was like 10:45 am, I only had minimal fears of kidnapping or attackings or the like.)

This might seem a little crazy--to be praying for this guy to stay away from me and my walking, especially if I was pretty sure I wasn't going to get attacked by him and I was pretty sure he was just another walker, doing his exercising (which I assumed to be a regular occurrence. *mental note: don't walk at this time anymore.) But I am very self-conscious about my lack of in-shape-ness. Now, I will tell people I'm out of shape and probably can't even run an 1/8 of a mile. But people might not always believe that. They may think I'm one of  those skinny girls who says she's fat or something, you know? Just exaggerating and attention seeking. Nope, it's true stuff. So telling people this is one thing. But having people actually SEE this pitiful attempt at athleticism and brain-leg-foot coordination and cardio and endurance stuff? Totally different.

Okay, well, I'm ahead of him. How is this happening? This can't last. Oh, gosh, I feel awful if he passes me... I'm clearly younger and trimmer than he is. Embarrassing. Eeeeehhh. But still, PLEASE pass me! Just get this over with. Do NOT stop just so he can pass you! eh eh ehhhhhh. uh, what's that noise? Oh, he's coming closer. Act cool, keep your form, keep trying. But let him pass you. But don't slow down. Ahead of me ... gooood. Farther ahead of me WHEW. ahhhhh. jeeeesh, SO glad that's over with! Whew again. He's turning? YES. SO. GLAD. THAT'S. OVER. And then the rest of the walk was fairly uneventful; another elderly man greeted me, that's about it.

And this is why I hate exercising in public and why my 5k project might be more of a public victory than a private victory. Ha.

Greater Things Are Still To Be Done

Hope's not something I've ever really held on to. When I was younger and more of a day dreamer, maybe. It's just not something I've thought of much.

But why not? We should hope. We should want things, we should try for things.

Hope leads to doing things with a passion. And I believe in passion, in doing what you believe in. And you have to hope that it'll work out in order to try.

I think it's fine, healthy even, to have some realism. You can admit possible points of failing. But sometimes those can be conquered. Hope for that.

It's interesting how this affirmation of hope has come about to me. It's come about when something I hoped would work out, didn't. So I had to give up hope in that. But I decided I had to keep hoping. I have to hope for better things and brighter days. I hope for what's best.

"So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but he greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13.
Yes, love is the greatest, but hope is in these three things. Hope must not be forgotten, and it shall not, for it abides.

Abide: to wait, to endure, to remain, to continue. Hope abides.