Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promise

I feel bad when I take so long to post again! Oops! I meant to like last Tuesday... and then I guess last week got crazy? Then this week ended up being crazier than I thought.Oh, well. So... things that have been happening:

I talked to the dean (my bff, Lou Ann) about counseling as a profession. It made me more excited to possibly do this. However, I'm still at the whole unable to give up theology and philosophy studies and just wanting to that more in-depth. The study of counseling is nowhere near my passion. Helping people is, however. And this is my first solid idea of how to do that.

Got lost in Kierkegaard a bit the other day. My favorite two (ish) pages of Kierkegaard is his section Gilleleie, August 1, 1835 in his Journals. (Granted I have not read much Kierkegaard. But it's my favorite of what I have.) I've underlined about a quarter of it.

...What I really lack is to be clear in my mind what I am to do, not what I am to know, except in so far as a certain understanding must precede every action. The thing is to understand myself, to see what God really wishes me to do; the thing is to find the truth which is true for me, to find the idea for which I can live and die.

Lookit! (Dr. Appold reference) I was just going to pick my favorite part, and there is goes being applicable to my previous paragraph!

I CARVED MY VERY FIRST PUMPKIN EVER TODAY.

My pumpkin baby. :)

 I also keep typing "pumpking" instead of pumpkin.

Hebrew's been slaying me. Actually, just one day. I broke down in the SUB. Classy. But I'm going to take it again next semester. Inflicting non-required stress upon myself. typicaltrumanstudent Speaking of, I asked my Hebrew tutor and his wife (PHRE graduates) to help me pick out my classes for next semester since my advisor doesn't really advise me. Loooooved it.

I helped with CCF Men's Progressive Dinner tonight. So much fun. It honestly was a delight to watch the boys get super excited about food and playing video games.

I love fall. Like, a lot. It makes me happy. I've cried a decent amount this semester. And I've been laughing a lot more. And a lot more easily. I'm terrified of spiders. My friends are beautiful souls.


*The song title that is my post title sums up this post amazingly in my mind. You may not see it, but that's how I feel about the conglomeration of things written here. Except maybe the spider part. That was just a fact about me.

We're Halfway There

midtermbreakmidtermbreakmidtermbreak


Gahhhhh.


I seriously don't know if I've ever wanted a break this badly before. This semester is trying to beat me down. BUT TOMORROW I AM GOING TO KANSAS CITY. I have nothing left to doooooooo! I just have to go to class and pack! I hate packing! But whatever! So I'm not doing anything tonight. After lunch tomorrow I'll probably throw some stuff in my car, get gas and gooooo. I'm so so so excited to see my family there. 


I'm wearing a big yellow bow in my hair. Pulling. It. Off.


Still listening to Foster the People a lot. Also, I came up with a name for my friend's band: The Ambivalence Conundrum. I think they should use it. (For the record, my first pick was Unicorn Ambivalence.)


So, I'm trying to figure out my classes for next semester. I really want to make it so that I don't have class on Friday. Because it's a very real possibility. However, it's looking like that might mean 4 class (ALL my classes) on Tuesday and Thursday. BUT two of the classes I want to take are at the same time. Classes I want to take: Sociology of Family, Christianity, Faith and Reason in Christian Thought, and Hebrew. I think. But Sociology of Family and Christianity are at the same time. :/ These are pretty much the only classes I want to take, too. I'm going to keep pouring over the course list, trying to figure things out.


Exciting: Since I am at this point planning on getting my masters in counseling and the dean of student affairs (also in charge of my scholarship program) has a degree in counseling and used to be head of University Counseling Services, I emailed the dean and asked if I could meet with her and get advice. Yay!


Midterm break should be hecka Hebrew time. That's what should happen. I really want to beast that class. I need to work on my motivation.


So. Even though the plan is currently a masters in counseling, at dinner, a friend who's planning to go to seminary was talking. And I was talking yesterday to a friend about philosophical theology. And I can't imagine staying away from these things. So, I will probably either have to go to sem to get my masters and take some awesome classes while taking counseling ones. OR... I'll have to get another degree in addition to (or instead of?) counseling. decisiones.


Everything is pointing me to this (I cannot ignore): "A new commandment I give to you,that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.  By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." ~John 13:34-35

"Help, Save, Comfort, and Defend."

I'm not sure what on earth is more beautiful than an early morning fall drive from Kirksville to Memphis. I wish I had a picture to illustrate it, but I just soaked it up. Seriously, just take part of the drive yourself. Worth it. It's one of my favorite drives scenery-wise at any time, not just fall mornings. Gorgeous.

I love liturgy. I love order and constancy and truth.

"Help, save, comfort, and defend us, Gracious Lord" is my favorite line in the Lutheran liturgy. It makes my heart happy to hear it Sunday mornings. Also it makes me feel safe.

These things are among the best things of Sundays.

I am in love with Foster the People's album Torches. I don't know if I've listened to an album as extensively and intensely and lovingly(?) since I started listening to The Avett Brothers last fall. So. Good. Awesomeness. <---link to my favorite song on the album, "Houdini," with lyrics. Because they're great. It's great.

Notice the new bloggity design. Thoughts?

Hebrew makes me experience quite a range of emotions. It mostly makes me hard on myself and negative. Then I figure something out and I'm awesome. Then I'm positive. Then I'm like "YEAH, you can do this." Despair. "Keep going! YOU. CAN. DO. THIS." I admit to being somewhat lazy. I don't want to work as hard as I have to in Hebrew. I need to be eatingsleepingbreathingHebrew. I'm not. Then I'm frustrated by my ineptitude. And I want a 4.0. And I wanna please Dr. Appold. And be awesome. Also, one of my Junior year goals is to be a beast at Hebrew. So I need some sort of accountability or better system or something. Because clearly I kinda suck at self-motivation.

For the record, I already accomplished one of my Junior year goals: Ring the church bell at St. Paul's. Happy day.

I laughed a lot with my roommate today. It was beautiful, and I think I might have laughed so hard I almost cried once. I really needed that today. So grateful.

I've been thinking on love. I want to be loved. And I want to love. And these do not have to be in a strictly romantic capacity. There are SO many people in this world and SO much caring to be done. 1 Corinthians 13 does not mean "But this is only for your husband/bf/fiance..." It is love that we are to do (as Christ first loved us) to humanity. Cultivate love in lives.