"Of For Grace to Trust Him More..."

[I wrote this this summer, but didn't publish it on here. As I'm not in a place of attempting to empty of myself more and fill up with him and constructive things, as I'm trying to try to listen, this seems appropriate to bring back.]


Last summer was full of a lot of reflection and learning about myself and God. I did some growing. This summer seems to also be full of those things--but even more so and with more joyful leanings and with more hope.

I don't know how it is for everybody, but for me, summer actually offers me that opportunity more so than school does. There's too much homework, too many obligations, people are around all the time, there's small spaces, lots of events--we are BUSY.

But, at least for me, summer slows things down. My obligations are decreased. I don't have any homework, there aren't any classes to go to. I have less events and more space and less people around. And without all these things, I'm actually forced/given the opportunity to be by myself. To bewith myself. To be with God. To listen to him. To tune my heart in sync with his.

When we let go of things and just seek out God, we realize that he's there... Like, really THERE. He's there in the hearts of others, he's there in the heart and mind of the HV/AC worker(true story!), he's in the actions of a friend, he's there in the quiet nights when you're alone, he's listening to you cry out, when you're wondering what's going to happen in your life, and he's speaking to you--so listen... he's there in the whisper (1 Kings 19:12). 

{As Christians, God dwells in us.}

In the sermon today, the pastor said that we rarely know what God has in store for our lives--but we know who he is. This reminds me of what they say of Aslan: "Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.” Now, I think Jesus is safe. He's the safest we can ever be. But he isn't that kind of safe we often look for. He's not comfort zone safe. He's heart-safe. [Edit: I think soul-safe is a better term now.]

I get scared to let Jesus see my heart (though he already knows it). I have a hard time being open with him because I'm scared of what he'll ask me to do. But I know it's all to grow closer to him. Sure, maybe things are good, but don't you want better? This is what I ask of you--of myself:  to listen to him. He's going to lead us into who we're meant to be.

It's not always easy listening, being with yourself, being with God. It doesn't seem safe. But it'll be better. 

"Now faith is the assurance of things hope for, the conviction of things not seen." -Hebrews 11:1

Seek God and his ways and his truth: 

"You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart." -Jeremiah 29:13

"Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known." -Jeremiah 33:3

"And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him." -Hebrews 11:6

He gives and takes away, but this giving and taking is all in the plan he has for us... plans to give us a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11) Those takings hurt, but he plans for us--hope. That is not a God who takes things away to hurt, but to heal and for better.

"And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you." -1 Peter 5:10

I like to think of the refiner's fire. Our suffering is just refining us, polishing us, making us shine. The God of all grace has called us to eternal glory...that's forever. Compared to that forever, our suffering is a little while... and after that, he's going to restore you. He's going to confirm you. He's going to strengthen you. He's going to establish you. 

Faith is trust, as a dear friend once told me. So trust him. Seek him, call out to him, listen for him, listen to him, and trust.

Listen, my dear friends. Listen and grow.

You Are Not Alone

Earlier this morning I stumbled across a blog about women/relationships. A few posts were dedicated to questions you shouldn't ask men (I think particularly on dates/getting to know them). This list of questions brought to mind the question "What is the best decision you've made?" I can't remember if that question is on the list or not, but maybe it should be. Maybe it shouldn't. I don't know. But it made me think. What if somebody asked me that? What would I say?

I suppose a good free-willer would say "Jesus." However, I'm not sure how much of that is me, but much is Christ. I do know that in my sinning state, I don't see how I would come to him. I don't know. God is good and I'm glad I am his daughter. Anyway, so I decided not to put this one in the running.

How about coming to Truman? Oh, how glad I am that I am here! And if it was fully my decision, perhaps I could say this. But I had no intention of applying. My mom made me. And Truman granted me the Leadership Scholarship, and MoBap did not grant me the highest scholarship. And Mom highly encouraged me to come due to these things. Was it my decision in the end? Perhaps, but it was not all on my own.

How about spending my summer at Gerard and Meagan's and making that family? Well, I can't remember if the idea was initially mine and Kasia encouraged me, or if she brought the idea to me. And Gerard and Meagan had to say yes. I could not have made that decision without them.

How about some of my friendships? Yes, I have decided to be friends with certain people. But to a degree, that does not work if they do not also decide to be my friend. It's not all me.

How about my major? Oh, how I love my major. Nothing else seemed right though. Over a break freshman spring semester, I sat down with the course catalog and poured over possible classes. Philosophy and Religion held the ones I was most interested in. Was that my decision? Well, yeah. But I couldn't have made another one. Perhaps this is the one that would best fit to answer the question. After all, it has encouraged my faith, challenged my faith, brought me friendships, brought me questions and new ideas.

The point here is that my decisions weren't made all on my own. Decisions are scary. I'm terrified of making the wrong one. But in a sense, the decisions aren't completely up to us. We have guides that help us. Yes, perhaps the final "yes" or "no" is ours to say, but we are not alone.

Decisions can be quite lonely. They can take us far from home--physically and emotionally. And sometimes, although yes, we have help, the final "yes" or "no" or "stay" or "go" is up to us. But that does not mean we can't seek help in our decision making process. It does not have to be an entirely lonely endeavor. At least, I don't think it has to be. I hope not. (I mean, God's here.)


Please, if you have thoughts of this, comment, let me know. I'd love to discuss. Even if you disagree--That's a fact of life I need to get used to. :)