Philosophia

Word Origin & History

philosophy 

c.1300, from O.Fr. filosofie (12c.), from L. philosophia, from Gk.philosophia "love of knowledge, wisdom," from philo- "loving" +sophia "knowledge, wisdom," from sophis "wise, learned."


(From dictionary.com, yo.)


Meaning, a philosopher is someone who loves wisdom.
In other words, I will marry a philosopher.


Hehe, I find this amusing.


Also, I wanted to post but could not put words out that I liked, so I went to some drafts.

Sigh.

BEDTIME.

"Anyone Who Knows Me..."

Anyone who knows me knows that...

I've been thinking about this a bit lately. It's something you hear people say. Examples:

"Anyone who knows me knows that I love Kenya."

"Anyone who knows me knows that my sisters are my best friends."

"Anyone who knows me knows I'm not really quiet."

I don't know if I have one of those to say. Or any. Maybe I'm just thinking that more people know me than really do. (Thus lessening the people who would know some specific thing.) Is there anything in my life, anything about me, that is so obvious, that I talk about so much, that anyone who spends time with me/talking to me knows?

My first thoughts are to my awk-ness. It's quite apparent. Pre-Truman me would be APPALLED at my boldly awk personality. It slips out.

Things I wish it were: How much I love my major. Basically, how much I love studying that subject matter as a whole. That I'm striving to love. That hugs are among my favorite things. That I want to be your friend.

What it ought to be: How Jesus has influenced my life. Given me life. Given me love. And urges me on to give love.

What a thought! "Anyone who knows me knows Christ's love."




"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God and whoever loves knows God, and has been born of God." ~1 John 4:7

Security (Or Lack Thereof)

Security's something I think a lot about. Probably not generally for good reasons, however. It's usually for not-so-positive reasons. I'm way more paranoid than I should be walking around at night. Hardly at all in Overland Park, interestingly enough. New Haven and Kirksville, however--SCARY. I do attribute this to my overactive imagination (especially as a child), too much Law & Order and other crime shows (especially as a child), and reading (especially as a child). That and my tendency to imagine the worst possible things. (Not healthy.)

But then there's a personal security--like being secure as a person, in your relationships, in who you are. I struggle there. Mucho. Albeit, not as much as I did previous to last year, but there are still struggles. School days aren't so bad--we're all busy, and I usually have a ministry event or some such thing so that's happening at night. However, Saturdays are what get me most. Saturday afternoon/evenings particularly. If my roommate has plans, and is gone all day, and I don't, then I'm alone in our apartment. All day. Suddenly I have no motivation to do homework elsewhere or to do homework at all. I get mopey and am essentially convinced I don't have friends.

I'm working on security in friendships. I actually do a lot better most of the time. But some days, I don't do so well. The weird thing is I never considered myself someone who couldn't be alone. I was supposed to be okay alone. So why this fear, this moping? This lack of security?

Security in who I am can be hard. I feel like I'm changing; mostly in my opinions and beliefs. And I'm just not sure where I fit in with it all anymore. For years I'd been sure of some things; they don't seem as important anymore. The hard thing is when strong, important influences in my life fervently and seemingly logically hold to opposing beliefs. Then I really do have to figure out what I believe. I'm really good at agreeing with whoever I'm talking to. Provided it's not blatantly against what I really think. My personality likes peace and likes to agree. So, without even thinking, I can all to easily just go along with other people. Especially if it's scary to disagree with them. And I think that they'll judge me if I disagree. Oh, this is not good.

I really need to not be afraid to search for myself and come to my own conclusions. Though I would prefer if they were in agreement with the people who are important to me... Of course.

Normally, I don't walk around Kirksville at night by myself. If I have to go anywhere that's not campus (or LuHo or Tricia's, which are on the way to campus) at night, I drive. However, last night, after swiping Ryan and Brenna in for dinner, I walked to their house with them, as we had a prayer group in a little bit. I knew this meant me walking back alone. After we had finished, I went to Randolph house, which is just a couple houses away from Harker House. I walked back to Campbell 203 after midnight. I was fine. I wasn't scared. I think it was the snow. Something about snow, probably the white, and how it reflects light, is pure. It made the world seem brighter and safer. Yay! I was secure. :)

Sabbath Home Way

Yesterday was my last time worshiping at Woodland Ridge Presbyterian Church for a while, possibly 'til this summer. It was a good Sunday. There were multiple baptisms of Nepali attenders. It was so so beautiful. I have much respect for how my church (yes, I consider it mine) really reaches out. Their statement as to "Why We Do What We Do" is:

"Woodland Ridge Presbyterian Church is a servant driven community which exists to worship the triune God; to celebrate the truths of the Reformation; and to glorify Him in our city, our region, among the immigrant in our midst, even to the ends of the earth."

The way the church really reaches out to everyone is so beautiful. We share a building with a Korean congregation and sometimes the pastors switch preaching, we send vans to pick up Nepali friends for worship and have great involvement with them, we offer ESL classes to Spanish speakers. Growing up in New Haven and going to Truman has not exposed me to much diversity. It's so fun to see other cultures just at home together and blending and teaching each other. Oh yeah, and they welcomed me too. :)

Woodland Ridge is the church I have spent the most time at since May, possibly in the last year or so. Most of my breaks have been in Kansas City, so I've been there. Which included the whole summer. Last semester, I got lazy about going to St. Paul and I really regret it. I love that church and know it's worth the time commitment. I've realized how important it is to be involved with the church. And that means having a home church. We are meant to live with the body and to encourage each other, to meet together often. We are meant to reach out, to love. A specific church enables that. I highly encourage you to actively be part of a church body if you are not already. And I challenge myself to do the same.

I have been blessed with/by good church homes throughout my life. God has blessed me indeed to be surrounded by so many believers. I am blessed to know so many from so many different areas--all part of THE church.

The Catholic Church recently put out a commercial about "coming home." Catholic, Protestant, unlabeled... Come home. Get on Sabbath Home Way and rejoice at what you find.




*Sabbath Home Way is a road off of Highway 11 here in Northeast Missouri. It is on the way from Kirksville to St. Paul.

New Year Post Part 2: Road Full of Promise

I love promises.

I think that there's a huge difference between saying "I will do this" and saying "I promise I will do this." AND GUESS WHAT. God's promises are always good and true.

"For all the promises of God find their Yes in him. That is why it is through him that we utter our Amen to God for his glory." ~2 Corinthians 1:20

That verse makes my soul tingle.

Promises are assurances. It's something we can base our expectations on.

So what does it mean to have a Road Full of Promise? Oh, my soul is tingling again. I feel anticipation in my bones. Seriously. It's one of those things I have a hard time putting into words, but I feel.  At least to me, it means good things are coming--are assured. Promise is hope. It means you have possibilities in your future. And good things. Basically, it means this:

"Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." ~Romans 8:26-28

 God's got a will and a plan for us. We do not even know often how to pray as we ought, let alone know what we are to do. But God's got that road ready full of promises.

Also, reflecting on this
 ...What I really lack is to be clear in my mind what I am to do, not what I am to know, except in so far as a certain understanding must precede every action. The thing is to understand myself, to see what God really wishes me to do; the thing is to find the truth which is true for me, to find the idea for which I can live and die.
Oh, Kierkegaard.


And so what am I to do on this Road Full of Promise?


Oh, we'll see. :)


Really, though, the past few days I've somewhat come to an acceptance. An acceptance of I don't know what I want to "do" or what I ought to "do." And I'm (mostly) okay with that. So I don't know my whole life at 21. So what? I know my next step (ish). And my next step is just a continuing of what I want to do--of what I want to be. I'm going to continue learning what I like and pursuing relationships and finding ways to love. I'm going to take life step by step. Will I have to "figure things out" after grad school? Probably so, at least in some way. But you know what? I'm choosing to try to not worry on that. Because it's not here yet. So I can't do it anyway. (Besides, we all know our plans change all the time.) So I will continue praying, and seeking, and the Spirit will continue interceding. And God will continue faithful. 


God knows our hearts. And he loves us. How could our Roads not be Full of Promise?
So I will continue on my Road in prayer, in seeking, in hope, finding those Promises.


In Jesus' name, Amen.

New Year Post Part 1: Head Full of Doubt

Obligatory End of Year Post.

I'm doing this in two parts. Mostly this is because if I did it as one post, I would absolutely want to title it "Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promise," but I've already entitled another post that. So I will do "Head Full of Doubt" today and "Road Full of Promise" tomorrow." Today's post will be of doubts, of hardships, over overcomings, or triumphs. Tomorrow's will be of hope, of future.

The first part of the year seems so far away, like it wasn't even a part of this year.

That was the second semester of my sophomore year, the second semester in my major. The last semester I took more than 12 credits. (Probably.) It was also the second semester I really acutely felt the brokenness of my family. That made for a lot of tears. I learned how to better deal with this. I had to grow. It was the first time I had a boyfriend. A new and growing experience, for sure. I often hesitate to publish anything about that situation, but it happened, and there is no reason to hide it. He was a good friend, but we weren't meant to stay together. So I had my first breakup this summer. Two people I remain deeply grateful to for their friendship in this time: Meagan Weldele (who's home I was living in this summer), my dear cousin, friend, sister in Christ, and Alex Nyquist, another dear friend, former GIFT partner, and soon to be co-leader of LSF Women's Ministry. Alex, as so often the previous semester, and still, was a voice of reason. She grounds me, and reassures me. Other people, Gerard, my cousin; Julie, my roommate; and Tricia, my friend, were among the many other encouraging people. I learned a lot about relying on God and being strong this summer. And I learned a lot about family, too.

I took Hebrew, one of the best decisions of my academic career. Can I just brag a little here? I got an A!!! I'm so proud of myself, and happy of myself. :)  I'm so so grateful to my professor, Dr. Appold, my tutor, Ryan Harker, and my friend, Heidi Geisbuhler, for all their help and encouragement in any and every way they did. I don't really challenge myself or force myself to work hard too often, so sticking with Hebrew is a really a big deal.

I decided to go to grad school. This summer it was for a Masters in Counseling. Now it's for a Masters of Divinity. GRE? Terrified. Looking up schools and figuring out where to apply? Lost. Confidence of getting in where I'd like? Shaky at best. Head full of doubt, for sure. But I want to keep learning. I want to figure out what I am to do.

I'm learning to love, mostly how loving is HARD, so so hard. I'm also learning about the importance of putting oneself in the environment that is best suited for growth and bringing one close to Christ and who you are to be in him. If you are in an environment that does not encourage you to him and tears you away from him, it perhaps is not where you should be. These are things not learned without tears. Along with this, I'm learning about the possible need for accountability in these situations: someone to hold you to loving, to growing, to intentional living.

Much has happened this year. I've been trying to figure out what I want in many different ways, trying to figure out who I am, what I believe. As this not only causes change, but has potential for conflict, it can be distressing. And somewhat exhausting to think about too much. So sometimes I don't try.

This year has brought a lot of hardship, but blessing even more. My cup indeed overflows. Though often I have rejected this when told by others--I am strong. Cheesy, but true. (I almost hate putting this in here because it's so cliche. My middle name means "Famous Warrior." My first name means "Wisdom." Anyway, my God is forever strong.

Sometimes I'm overwhelmed by all I want to do. Other times I'm underwhelmed at my drive and goals. (As there can be a lack of.) I think I need a focus. I got quite inspired to find that last night. "Decide what to be and go be it." Oh, okay. I just have to decide. uh, huh.

Here I Raise My Ebenezer

Fall 2011:

Boom. Done.

I was definitely all worried about this semester. But I made it through. It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. So accomplishable. Makin'. It. A word. I think I'm going to pull off A's in 3 out of my 4 classes. I was definitely hoping for a 4.0, but it's fine. I possibly could have gotten an A in Ancient Phil (though it's doubtful), but it would have required a LOT of work. Friends and relaxing>stressing myself out trying to understand Plato and Aristotle.

So this semester has brought me many MANY new friends. One I made 3 days before she graduated. Oh, timing. But we are supposed to be friends. Many have become some of my dearest friends, though I've known them for such a short time. I am deeply grateful for the love and encouragement they bestow upon me, and their willingness to open their hearts and homes to me. That's to ALL my friends. I keep talking about love, and that's what they are showing me. It's so amazing. I have such a blessed community here.

Hebrew's been so great. I get a bit lazy sometimes, but it's something I truly want to try hard in. Which is a big and exciting thing for me. Reading the Old Testament in light of my smattering of Hebrew knowledge is soooo exciting. It's opening a whole new world (how I studied for the final) of understanding to me.


A Nicaraguan Prayer:
"O God, bless this food we are about to receive. Give bread to those who hunger, and give hunger for justice to us who have bread."
This sums up a good amount of what I've learned this semester. Let this be my prayer. Let this be my life.

Grateful. Yeah, I'm really grateful for this semester. Emmanuel.

Also: Thoughts of Jesus' birth, as I heard in a song this morning at church: "Where else would a lamb be born?" Ah. Ah. Ah. I have never thought of it in such a way. That's another thing of this semester: being exposed to thinking of things in ways I haven't before. Well, that's just been Truman overall, but I'm really feeling it this semester. I just think of Luke 2:19: "But Mary treasured all these words and pondered them in her heart." Yup. I ponder things in my heart. And my head. 

Hither by thy help I'm come.